Not a Pornstar: Weekly Musings of a Girl Working Behind the Scenes in Porn

An Introduction to a Weekly Blog of Hilarious Anecdotes of a Sexual Nature Written to Amuse and Bemuse You 

You might be wondering who I am. Or maybe you’re not. But even if you aren't, you're still reading so I might as well try to explain myself. 

Eva. What’s in a name? If you follow Holly you might have seen this adorable slavic name thrown around once or thrice, and you might have asked yourself, who in the name of all that is holy is EVA?

Although this is a question I ask myself daily, luckily for you I will not be taking you down that existential rabbit hole spiralling into the darkest crevices of my twisted psyche-no, I am here to tell you how I came to be Holly Randall’s, off-screen leading lady and what I’m going to do to your minds, as well as your hearts. 

Now, though I’ve got exceptionally fantastic breasts, I am sadly NOT a pornstar. 

I never really imagined I’d end up working in the porn industry, but it’s not really surprising in the least. I’ve always been a very sexually open and free individual, interested in nude photography and for a time, A LOT of amateur lesbian porn. I don’t have much recollection of looking up porn in high school or sneaking any glimpses at magazines, but in my late teens and early twenties I remember vividly being taken by a few suicide girls and wondered what it would be like to photograph for them. As for porn, I slept with a girl who had done some work for the Crash Pad Series and my feisty British ex-girlfriend introduced me to Girls Out West, a lower budget Australian Porn brand that focuses on using more amateur and alternative girls interested in playing out their fantasies in safe, professional environments. I remember thinking: Maybe I could shoot something like that one day.

But alas, I’ve thought up a lot of ridiculous things about my potential career paths. I thought maybe I’d write for a comedy series or end up in another direction entirely like studying to be a doctor, or becoming some sort of information security analyst who goes to Defcon and has a twitch channel where I sit around with my tits pushed up talking about weekly security breaches whilst playing Borderlands in adorable underwear. 

But fate has its own agenda and luckily a strange series of events led me to Holly Randall’s front porch on an uncharacteristically rainy day in Los Angeles, at a time where you could do actual human things; a time when the world was not shut down due to a global pandemic, leaving us all isolated and sexually frustrated in a Grey Gardens-style-studio-apartment-situation with no one to talk to but your therapy cat you adopted in a panic before the lockdown. 

Holly accepted the coffee I had brought her and listened to me bullshit for a good 20 minutes about things I probably didn’t know anything about before offering me a job out of, what I’m assuming, was merely desperation since her previous assistant was incompetent and left her in a state of disarray. 

So here I am. A behind-the-scenes character who started as an office assistant but morphed into the beautiful pornographic, production-managing, content-creating-flower I am today. I’ve experienced everything from writing scripts, to filming on RedCams in the deserts of Joshua Tree, to co-hosting a podcast with Holly called “My LA Porn Life” (exclusively available for her Patreon members only so if you all have as little as a 5-er you’re willing to cough up, I’d cough it up in that direction but please keep your mask on whilst you do that, if you hadn’t noticed, there’s a situation). 

On top of this all I’ve somehow convinced Holly to let me start a weekly blog of rants and rambles, delving into the most uninhibited and depraved parts of my inner-self on topics surrounding sexuality, pornography and most likely unrelated things, as I have terrible ADHD and am known to subject people to verbose stream-of-consciousness gibberish they never asked for, or intended to absorb. So if you’re still here (you weirdo), I humbly welcome you to THIS and welcome you to ME. Holly has to put up with me so that means you do too (makes sense).  I hope I can keep you slightly entertained and if not, at least incite some emotion at all, even if that emotion is extreme repulsion. 

Cheers,

(I’m not British but I’m one of those annoying people who lived in England and get all “Madonna” about her Britishisms so just bare with me please.)

Eva

aka “Not a Pornstar”